going back to move forward

Going back to a paper you presented months ago to write an essay on it is one of the most difficult things a precarious scholar has to do. You need to recapture all the readings and thinking and writing and doing and whatever, to reassemble them in a decent academic form. Impossible, you may think. And it does sound impossible, and it probably is impossible, but you have to do it, otherwise, your hard (f***ing hard) work gets lost in the foggy and ethereal area of spoken voices. As many dances, it is soon forgotten and lost in the vague memories of those who were there listening to your presentation.